- Declaration & Tribe...
- July 18th, 2009
This slave had an experience today that the "order bowl" was used and this slave's weekend Master selected the order to ask the slave "What does a slave do?" This slave quietly answered just the appointed Master "a slave obeys Sir." There was all this energetic response in those close enough to hear, so this slave was then ordered by Faculty to replay the event with the Master but louder and this slave obeyed, louder and with emphasis in its voice. Everyone seemed to have this Woo Woo powerful experience but this slave. It was then asked about what it felt, this slave did not feel nor express anything of particular import on the fulfillment of that order and there was discussion on why that was so. This slave did not have an answer then, and heard from those who were compelled to speak that basically this slave does not feel a part of in a sense of community. This was interesting to this slave and it did note that it does not function on the same energy dynamic they seem to desire this slave to interact on. This slave does feel a connection and trust with all of them, for this slave has not been in such a large group, especially of mostly gay men and felt totally respected and honored for the being this slave knows itself to be. a being of spirit. This slave mentions the special feeling that most of them are gay because this slave has never felt honored and RESPECTED in a genuine way by another gay man. ALWAYS has there been a sexualized energy directed at this slave, a sexualized intent of "take" from this slave and this slave does not feel respected by that.
All this slave's life has been spent KNOWING the illusion of the flesh it inhabits. Those of sexual desire cannot see past the illusion to what this slave is, so this slave does not feel accepted nor respected by them. This slave feels the connection with all the participants in the same way it feels apart of the earth, or air, or any other genuine aspect of life. They do not seem to feel that. Now that this slave is in its solitude it knows why that is. This slave sees the Tribe as a layer of illusion. Not that it isn't important, it is very important and this slave does not shy away from it, though it does not embrace it for it sees no purpose in doing so. The energy of the tribe is a lower energy dynamic based in ego, in self. There are those who need that, but for one who has lived its entire life knowing that it is not the flesh it has been projected into, the tribe is functional when the ego is still manifested. It is an interaction and exchange of compromise of the various egos, to accept the differences and share love to spite them. This is valid and true and this slave demonstrated to some tonight that it is not withdrawn from them emotionally nor spiritually. Tomorrow it desires to proclaim that this slave is within each and every one of them, in the same place that their Obedience is found. This slave realized why the proclamation of purpose did not incite any special feeling in it. This slave is not its purpose. They A/all heard this slave say "It is slave." They were interpreting the words. This slave did not say that. It said its purpose is to obey.
Since adolecence this society has asked this slave unfair questions and made unfair demands. Society asks at a young age what do you want to be? This slave selected whatever whim it thought for the sake of having an answer to the question. An astronaut, whatever. This slave never internalized the question until after puberty and when in meditation it asked itself what does it desire to do for career, job, etc. In those most intimate meditations the same answer was given and it was nothing of what it was told it should expect. The answer that is still true today is "Who is it to want such things?" The ignorance of what that truly means caused immense suffering to this slave through its ego, for there was no answer. This slave never understood how to answer that question from its authenticity until June 17th 2009. The answer is, "it is slave; it does not want." That is the GENUINE TRUTH of this slaves essence manifest. Tomorrow during breakfast this slave shall request to give this proclaimation to the group, so they can see, hear, and feel the Authentic Truth and why this slave did not have any "special" feeling when it pronounced its purpose. When this slave was asked "What does a slave do?" its knee-jerk response was "Are they really asking it this question?" It seemed so absurd, but before the thought of that shock was finished it obeyed simply with the exclaimation of its purpose. A slave IS not its purpose. A slave IS. Since June 17th this slave has had its own struggles with self and often the Authentic Voice will whisper "WHO is it to want such things?" and this slave simply obeys that and immediately releases the struggle with self and Obeys. The very first word is really ALL this slave NEEDS to hear, it is not a who. If the Authentic Voice asked "What is it to want such things" that would cause a mind fuck because ITs do not inherently want. This slave's dresser, does not desire to be filled with clothes. That is its purpose, to contain clothes or other items, though it IS not clothes. It IS a dresser. In questioning this slave no one made this distinction. A slave IS, it DOES Obey. That is the truth of this slave's essence in the way this slave feels it to be true.
This slave practiced a couple times in the mirror, proclaiming the Q/A of its Authenticity: "Who is it to want such things?" "It IS slave, it DOES NOT WANT!" The POWER of that proclaimation in solitude caused the flesh to shudder and tears to well. It cannot comprehend the POWER of stating that before the group, for its Obedience calls it to do so and answer whatever questions it may to the best of its ability. THAT is this slave's state of being. That IS the answer this slave has been waiting ALL of its life to be able to answer. *tears welling* To be given the freedom to manifest that state of being in the flesh, is an indescribable HONOR and PRIVILAGE this slave is only worthy to receive because it is doing so. Such is the way of things.