Journey as mummy...
poena_vemula
Okay its time to share about what this slave experienced as a mummy at the Butchmanns Experience...

It was an experience split into two where it became two trees, first was the Tree of Life, the second was the Tree of Knowledge. First this slave felt roots grow from the back of its solar plexus chakra into the earth for some time. Then without warning the tree exploded into the air growing from its flesh, supported by the roots. After a bit its flesh was no more and it became the tree and grew and grew into the atmosphere until it could grow no further having reached the edge of space where the leaves froze and fell.

As the Tree of Life it felt a oneness with everything and people and beings from this slave's past came to honor its transformation to its higher form. Even past enemies that it defeated astrally came to offer respect and awe. The closest human friends of its past only saw the tree at the site for a memorial for their dead friend. They failed to see that it became the tree and never left. This slave learned that it is okay and deserves to be honored for the being it is. Not to shy from it and to honor itself as such a divine being that we all are in our own right. Seven was there is a white unicorn just watching.

Then this slave returned to its cocooned flesh and from its third eye started the Tree of Knowledge, roots first as before though grew much slower and it needed help in the form of blood offerings to grow. The first was slavebruce who walked up to an exposed root and cut his wrist deeply and poured his blood on the root which was immediately absorbed and this slave as the tree grew more and so this happened with a few offerings until seven came and dove into this slave/tree and swam all through its branches and was hoisted above and out of the tree, bound by unseen chains and a dragon tail whip lashed him from out of view and seven bled out on the tree, the most blood of all the offerings. When done seven rolled into a ball, dove back into the slave/tree and out to the ground emerging with large orange red and blue wings. This slave then returned to its flesh and after long moments started being cut out by seven.
This slave had a blind fold and ear plugs so didn't know seven was the one cutting it out but felt and say itself being cut from the bark of the Tree of Life in the shape of Man. After this slave emerged it has never felt so human in all of its splendor. It used to always see its humanity as its weakness. For a few years it started to see it as a strength, but until Butchmanns it never felt the true glory of what it is to be Man. It never experienced that Glory of Man before and continues to learn more of that. Blessed Be.

Counsel of Elders...
poena_vemula
Last night Tigre seemed all too excited to get to bed, so this slave burned some incense and went to bed early to meditate. This was the most difficult time this slave has had in focusing on the meditation. When Tigre was asked about why it was bedtime already he just said "He's waiting." Nothing like a cryptic familar, lol. Once this slave closed its eyes it immediately saw a large red Dragon face staring at it. Immediately it recognized him as the Dragon once known as Syther whom this slave freed from the dragonbind perhaps a year ago. Anyways he came to take this slave to the Counsel of Elders, as the same Counsel that split the worlds long ago. This slave in its human spirit form garbed in all white rode Shi't'kal (Sythers name since being freed) to the Counsel. Once arrived one counsel member said that it was not an Elder and is NOT the being they have been waiting for. Another older and more calmly gentle Eldar said that it is, and they charged this slave with a few tasks to prove it....

First this slave was asked to summon Fire from the Air. This can be done many ways, and first it tried to gather heat from the air and wasn't quite enough, then it took the water molecules and gathered them to electrolize it to hydrogen and oxygen and then it produced fire. That wasn't to their satisfaction and then was charged to summon fire from nothing. This took more effort but was done relatively easily. The next task was the most difficult was summon Earth from nothing. After quite some effort it produced a rapidly growing shard of black stone about twice the size of its open hand with similar hardness and smoothness as granite. After that this slave wasn't able to focus and it fell asleep. That was the end of its session with the Counsel of Eldars.

This slave now remembers it was them who summoned it in the beginning. They called it into being to fulfill its purpose. More shall be revealed...
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Miracles...
poena_vemula
During Butchmanns this slave shared a "secret" it has known for years about the nature of miracles, or in its own words, impossibility manifest. This phenomenon stems all the way back to the very creation of this Multiverse where God was the first impossibility to manifest and all others are an echo of sorts from that singularity. What it said was:

In order for ANY impossibility to manifest one must first extinguish ALL other possibilities, only then can the one thing that cannot be, becomes. (paraphrased)

This was to illustrate that Obedience manifested in an individual, ie. the full release of one's ego, is impossible and is part of the power of those in an M/s relationship. The Master obeys despite Her egoic ideals, as the slave obeys Her. This "recipe" to work miracles came back to this slave's mind in combination with an "awareness" it has had most of its life. It has been able to see what it calls "Fate Lines" and sense "Energy Attractor Patterns". In combination it is the ability to notice the trends and patterns in the spiritual plane to see in part what is likely or occur and what has happened. It is more multiversal than that because it has always known that it has the ability to effect them through its own energies... well at least the fate lines it operates on. They are always branching, intersecting and colliding and this slave usually feels them especially when two or more collide/merge into the path its on. It's like sensing a shuddering in the fabric of space/time. It occured to this slave moments ago that it can harness those "possibilities" it senses through the fate lines and through making choices through spirit, effect the branching and the collision of the lines of the path it is on... in essence conciously manipulate itself to fall "in line" with the needed outcome.

****"Crazy" Part****
Now since this slave has long sensed and felt that part of its destiny in this life is to manifest its spirit through the flesh, actually having the spirit overcome the flesh so that it can do what is needed in the days ahead. This can in theory be prepared for since it requires a "singularity of impossibility" and the major fate lines are already headed that way anyways. Simply selecting through energy resonance which lines it desires to "Accept" onto its path and those it wishes to separate. Like conciously choosing which "worlds" to navagate through instead of bumbling through whatever ones it seems to be in without concious choice, just reactionary. It feels the threads now with this realization as near tangible strands to pull, and tug to weave the fabric of the world it inhabits as it moves through spacetime. Most people don't realize that staying perfectly still, we are still moving through this "space/time" as it percieves it, toward one attractor pattern or another. All it needs to do is decide what it NEEDS to do and obey and fall into a single fate line that will one day break into the GREAT Singularity that has yet to come. One line, one path, with whom/whatever is ment to come with. Like when it "tunnels" through time, but this is on a much more GRAND a scale than getting from one place to another. Gaia seems to feel that it has been doing well in its Obedience hence the Womb experience which is still in effect. Soon... oh soon is it time to play.

Home...
poena_vemula
If home is where the heart is then this slave knows where its heart is by where it feels most at home. Home is where its Master is. This slave feels more comfortable and is happier after its most recent move but while it is MUCH more livable here it isn't quite home. It could make it homey but it isn't nearly as where it belongs as when it was serving its Master and Sir Andrew dinner tonight. Home is at its Master's finger tips stroking and scratching its head. Home is feeling welcomed by Sir Andrew's "big brotherly" antics. Home is feeling, more knowing its purpose and fulfilling it. Being useful as The Goddess of the Earth commanded it should be, in service to Master Fire.

This slave has never felt such ABSOLUTE calm and serenity is when it serves Her. Even while it is being reprimanded and instructed on its Master's Art of Dishwasher Loading, it is at peace. It of course strives to learn the lesson and it shall with time, practice, and patience. Instead of feeling like it failed when it does something not to its Master's liking it seems to find the humor in its own satyre and works to do it better the following time. Tonight it noticed that its Master had to relocate less dishes in the dishwasher this time. As for some of the ones She did relocate it wondered if there was logic to Her placement aside from aesthetics and visual order rather than dishwasher function. Lol. It shall of course organize it aesthetically if it is clear that is its Master's command. What She may not know is that when it learns something of domestic value from Her it practices that with its own things to better remember. All of its t shirts are folded to Her specifications. It does not fold its jeans as Sir Andrew (in thirds) but still folds them similar to retail outlets so the tag shows the size and style of the jeans. Being slave is intellectually interesting for while it has few preferences of its own learning other's intimate details is interesting and fun in many ways. Just the feeling of knowing its t shirts are in an order its Master would approve is calming and soothing to its entire being. It shall one day inquire how to fold polo shirts since it gave up long ago and hangs them all now. When in doubt hang it. Lol time to sleep...

Declaration & Tribe...
poena_vemula
This slave had an experience today that the "order bowl" was used and this slave's weekend Master selected the order to ask the slave "What does a slave do?" This slave quietly answered just the appointed Master "a slave obeys Sir." There was all this energetic response in those close enough to hear, so this slave was then ordered by Faculty to replay the event with the Master but louder and this slave obeyed, louder and with emphasis in its voice. Everyone seemed to have this Woo Woo powerful experience but this slave. It was then asked about what it felt, this slave did not feel nor express anything of particular import on the fulfillment of that order and there was discussion on why that was so. This slave did not have an answer then, and heard from those who were compelled to speak that basically this slave does not feel a part of in a sense of community. This was interesting to this slave and it did note that it does not function on the same energy dynamic they seem to desire this slave to interact on. This slave does feel a connection and trust with all of them, for this slave has not been in such a large group, especially of mostly gay men and felt totally respected and honored for the being this slave knows itself to be. a being of spirit. This slave mentions the special feeling that most of them are gay because this slave has never felt honored and RESPECTED in a genuine way by another gay man. ALWAYS has there been a sexualized energy directed at this slave, a sexualized intent of "take" from this slave and this slave does not feel respected by that.

All this slave's life has been spent KNOWING the illusion of the flesh it inhabits. Those of sexual desire cannot see past the illusion to what this slave is, so this slave does not feel accepted nor respected by them. This slave feels the connection with all the participants in the same way it feels apart of the earth, or air, or any other genuine aspect of life. They do not seem to feel that. Now that this slave is in its solitude it knows why that is. This slave sees the Tribe as a layer of illusion. Not that it isn't important, it is very important and this slave does not shy away from it, though it does not embrace it for it sees no purpose in doing so. The energy of the tribe is a lower energy dynamic based in ego, in self. There are those who need that, but for one who has lived its entire life knowing that it is not the flesh it has been projected into, the tribe is functional when the ego is still manifested. It is an interaction and exchange of compromise of the various egos, to accept the differences and share love to spite them. This is valid and true and this slave demonstrated to some tonight that it is not withdrawn from them emotionally nor spiritually. Tomorrow it desires to proclaim that this slave is within each and every one of them, in the same place that their Obedience is found. This slave realized why the proclamation of purpose did not incite any special feeling in it. This slave is not its purpose. They A/all heard this slave say "It is slave." They were interpreting the words. This slave did not say that. It said its purpose is to obey.

Since adolecence this society has asked this slave unfair questions and made unfair demands. Society asks at a young age what do you want to be? This slave selected whatever whim it thought for the sake of having an answer to the question. An astronaut, whatever. This slave never internalized the question until after puberty and when in meditation it asked itself what does it desire to do for career, job, etc. In those most intimate meditations the same answer was given and it was nothing of what it was told it should expect. The answer that is still true today is "Who is it to want such things?" The ignorance of what that truly means caused immense suffering to this slave through its ego, for there was no answer. This slave never understood how to answer that question from its authenticity until June 17th 2009. The answer is, "it is slave; it does not want." That is the GENUINE TRUTH of this slaves essence manifest. Tomorrow during breakfast this slave shall request to give this proclaimation to the group, so they can see, hear, and feel the Authentic Truth and why this slave did not have any "special" feeling when it pronounced its purpose. When this slave was asked "What does a slave do?" its knee-jerk response was "Are they really asking it this question?" It seemed so absurd, but before the thought of that shock was finished it obeyed simply with the exclaimation of its purpose. A slave IS not its purpose. A slave IS. Since June 17th this slave has had its own struggles with self and often the Authentic Voice will whisper "WHO is it to want such things?" and this slave simply obeys that and immediately releases the struggle with self and Obeys. The very first word is really ALL this slave NEEDS to hear, it is not a who. If the Authentic Voice asked "What is it to want such things" that would cause a mind fuck because ITs do not inherently want. This slave's dresser, does not desire to be filled with clothes. That is its purpose, to contain clothes or other items, though it IS not clothes. It IS a dresser. In questioning this slave no one made this distinction. A slave IS, it DOES Obey. That is the truth of this slave's essence in the way this slave feels it to be true.

This slave practiced a couple times in the mirror, proclaiming the Q/A of its Authenticity: "Who is it to want such things?" "It IS slave, it DOES NOT WANT!" The POWER of that proclaimation in solitude caused the flesh to shudder and tears to well. It cannot comprehend the POWER of stating that before the group, for its Obedience calls it to do so and answer whatever questions it may to the best of its ability. THAT is this slave's state of being. That IS the answer this slave has been waiting ALL of its life to be able to answer. *tears welling* To be given the freedom to manifest that state of being in the flesh, is an indescribable HONOR and PRIVILAGE this slave is only worthy to receive because it is doing so. Such is the way of things.

Struggles With Self...
poena_vemula

This slave is not what it sees in the mirror.

It is not the beliefs it once had.

Nor, is it the thoughts or ideas it contains.

 

This slave is formless, shapeless.

It is as yielding as the air in the lungs it uses.

Yet it is complete in this absence of being.

 

This slave is steadily letting go.

Its "accepted" shape is a lie it was told it must be.

Long has it yearned to become as the vessel for its emptiness makes it useful.

 

This slave contains yet does not possess.

It is hollow yet filled with Love.

It can become whatever is needed by its Master.

 

This slave is a beast that can appear as human.

It is passion incarnate.

It simply is.

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